Ja, well, no fine. Think I'll need a few more layers than that!

So there I stood, eyes glazing over, while the dude in the shop waffled on about articulate elbows, powder skirts and venting zips. I quickly realised that a penis possessor was not the best person to have this conversation with. Men always make things as technical and complicated as possible; case in point: I'm pretty sure a man wrote the Kama Sutra! So I murmured something about him not getting too close to me as my fever blisters were highly contagious, and he scuttled off making the sign of the devil at my swollen mouth. Mission accomplished!

Excellent. I now cased the joint, looking for a woman who looked approachable. My gaze settled on a waif-like blonde girl who looked infinitely knowledgeable and capable. I threw myself at her mercy, wrapped my arms around her ankles, begged for help and started babbling about not wanting my elbows to be more articulate than I am, and how a skirt just didn't seem very practical in minus thirty degree temps. The poor girl gently pried my vice-like grip off of her legs, lifted me up and said, "Ouch. Those fever blisters look sore. I get them all the time too. Aren't they just awful?" If I was a lesbian, I think I would have fallen in love right there!

Anne (the pixie's name) had me sorted in no time. She calmly explained that a powder skirt is just an additional lining inside the ski jacket that is like a waterproof apron; it keeps snow from getting in between your ski jacket and your skin/bottom layers. The bottom of the powder skirt has an elastic that you tighten around your waist to keep it tight against your body, while still allowing the ski jacket to move freely without being constrictive.

And the articulate elbows? "Articulated elbows mean that the ski jacket has been contoured to follow the natural bend of your arm to make skiing easier and the movement more comfortable." Yay! I could remain the eloquent one in my relationship with my elbows!

And the venting zips? "To release moisture from you perspiring on the slopes, a ski jacket needs to be able to ventilate or breathe - the venting zips help with that, which will help keep you dry."

Duh! How easy was that?

Over the next hour, Anne helped kit Stephen and I out from head to toe. We're now the proud owners of thermal socks, very unsexy thermal underwear, mid-layers of fleece, ski pants, ski jackets, the most-unflattering head-wear that will keep us toasty, stunning goggles, gloves and then wraps to keep our neck and faces warm. The only thing I didn't get there were our snow boots. but we'll get those in Oslo upon arrival. Just as well as we're being limited to 20kgs each by Lufthansa. Ski boots alone weigh a few kilos, and it's not like we can leave Joburg in mid-summer while wearing them!

I then also bought a large Snow and Rock travel bag, and Anne packed everything into it for me as she rung it up, so we were immediately packed for holiday. Women are just so efficient and helpful! Of course, we had to take out a second bond to afford all the gear, but we figure we'll be doing a lot of snow holidays in the future, so we'll get our money's worth eventually. Arctic, here we come! Woo hoo! Just 5 sleeps left!