Right, since this is a travel blog, I guess we should post some stuff, every now and again, about travelling. It's only fair. You people have paid good money. Erm, actually, you've paid no money at all, but let's not split hairs (or dreadlocks) over that. We will give the people what they want. And by "we" I mean me. This blog will be called "B's Excellent Adventures with a Non-Blogging Toss Fuck" from now on. (This is to be noted in the minutes of this meeting and executed by the person in charge of blog names. Unless that is said-toss fuck).
So, we recently went to Jamaica for a few days, and from what we can remember of it, we had a wonderful time! Between the rum punches and erm.. other stuff... it's hard to keep track of things on the island.
Now, when most people think of Jamaica, they think of Kingston or Montego Bay (mostly because people aren't very imaginative or well-educated), but we decided to head out to the cliffs of Negril. You would think because Negril is high (pardon the pun) on the cliffs, it wouldn't get hit by tsunami waves, but you'd be wrong. Rick's Cafe, which is world famous for its cliff jumpers, had to be totally rebuilt in 2004 when 80ft waves crashed over the cliffs and destroyed the joint (pardon the pun again) during Hurricane Ivan.
Luckily, Hurricane Sandy missed Jamaica completely, or else we wouldn't have had as many bars to go to while we were there.
From our 4 days there, this is what we can tell you:
1. Marijuana is illegal in Jamaica. I know, right? How is that possible? Everywhere you go, and sometimes even when you haven't gone anywhere and are asleep in your bed, you can smell it: weed, ganga, spliff, MaryJane, doobie, etc. It is the signature-scent of Jamaica - it wafts on the breeze and leaves you feeling very chilled and craving chocolate cookies. It gets offered to you everywhere, and I mean everywhere, by everyone. Your waiter, the barman, the gardener (especially the gardener because he's growing the shit, isn't he?), etc. Each person will tell you they're the person to buy from and how their grass will leave you feeling the most irie. It's illegal to grow, possess or smoke it and yet everyone is dealing and smoking it everywhere. In public. Go figure. That explains why everyone in Jamaica is so damn relaxed and happy.
2. The standard response to anything you ask a Jamaican is, "Yeah mon. No problem, mon" This can be in response to any of these variations:
- Could you call a taxi for me please?
- Could I please have another rum punch?
- Would you help me bury this pesky dead body I've been carrying around in my luggage?
- Could I have relations with your goat?
3. The best food in Jamaica is "jerk" flavoured. And just like a group of housewives in Bloem will compete against each other at the church bazaar to see whose brandy tart is the best during a bake-off competition, Jamaicans will compete in jerk-offs. I kid you not. Now, what is jerk? It's a form of cooking where chicken/beef/seafood is dry-rubbed or wet-marinated by jerk spice (made primarily from pimento and Scotch bonnet peppers). It is out of this world. It will tear you a new one, so be prepared.
If you haven't been to Jamaica yet, why the hell not, mon?
