Who needs maps when you have a spirit of adventure?

Lost in a Helsinki blizette - story continued from yesterday.

I finally got Stephen to agree that I am always, always right, and that I know everything (something all women should get their husbands to agree to as early in the marriage as possible - you need to bend the tree while it's still young), and we set off again. Poodle was confidently striding uphill, with the wind against us, and the ninja snow karate-chopping our faces at every opportunity.

After another ten minutes of us not seeing a familiar landmark, I suggested we stop and consult the map again.




Finnish street names are a lot more complex than Norwegian ones for some odd reason. Every street in Oslo ends with "gate" or "gata" and you can pronounce most of the names, even if you butcher them a bit. The street names in Helsinki are completely unpronounceable without spitting a lot. Even with the spitting, they're tough.

B: Okay, what street are we on?
S: Poena is koning.
B: Poena is koning? That's impossible! That's a South African movie.
S: Well, it's really Puna-notkonk, but that's just silly, so it will here on out be referred to as Poena is koning.
B: *rolls eyes* Okay... And where are we trying to get to?
S: Poitjies are hoikies.
B: What? Give me that map! How can the Fins be waffling on about poitjies?
S: It's actually Pohjoisesplanadi, but let's rename it.
B: What cross street are we on?
S: Kaserngatan or Kasarmikatu.
B: Why's it one or the other?
S: Don't know. They seem confused. Look at the sign. Every street here has 2 names. Probably the one their parents's gave them, and then the nickname they chose for themselves.




There is more eyeball rolling, I consult the map over Poodle's shoulder and am very relieved that we're not heading for Puistokatu as I can only imagine what Poodle will rename it.

S: Okay, let's go!

We both set off in opposite directions.

B: Aren't we supposed to be going this way?
S: You've got no sense of direction. It's the opposite way.
B: Let me climb into the map so I can see.

This usually involves the map being placed on the ground with the map turned around so the road we're in is facing the direction we're going in, so I can climb into the map to get a feel for where we're headed.

S: You can't climb into the map. It's already sopping from the snow. Your boots will tear it. Come on.




We head off in his direction, only to back-track ten minutes later when another check at the pulpy map confirms I was right.

Finally, by some miracle, we stumble across the right road and stagger our way to the hotel, half-frozen and very wet, clutching a ball of pulp instead of a map.




Psst. Want to know a secret? I grumbled all the way, and called him a lot of bad names, but I actually love getting lost. It's always such a adventure! That's why Poodle remains the Minister of Maps and Directions :-)


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