Mad dash to freedom...

So I thought that traveling with a 6 year old was going to be challenging. And it was. But not because of the sprog; it was going to be challenging regardless. Just because I have bad travel karma, and someone somewhere gets a huge kick out of seeing me suffer.

The whole process was painless until we got to Heathrow, and had to catch a connecting flight to Edinburgh. Up until then, everything had gone smoothly. Anya was an angel: she slept, behaved and even managed to look totally innocent every time she let off a really stinky fart, and had people turning around to glare in our direction. Which was often.

Our stopover at Heathrow was meant to be an hour and forty minutes. More than enough time to get us through customs and security; I even thought I'd have time for shopping. Cue evil "nyaaaa haaaa haaaa-that's-what-you-thought-but-the-travel-gods-had-other-plans" sound effects.

Firstly, we arrived almost half an hour late, because we were forced to hover tentatively over Heathrow like the unwanted ugly cousins at a family shindig. Then, the trains that connect the terminals and gates at Heathrow were malfunctioning, so we got to the UK Border Control late. Thirdly, everyone was stinky. Okay, this may not have contributed to us being late, but it definitely contributed to my pounding headache. Why do they heat the planes so much that you end up sweating like a rapist in church?

Then, there she was... At Border Control...The ugly troll that stands under the bridge and does everything in its power to prevent you from passing. I waited for her to ask for the password, to which I would have replied "Botox", as nothing else could ever improve those horrible frown lines on her trollish face. Instead, she demanded, "Passports".

By this point, we had 15 minutes until our gate closed, so I was anxious and nervous that we'd miss our flight. The troll mistook my shiny pallor for a sign of guilt. And thus set about spending the next 20 minutes trying to prove that I was a human trafficker, and Anya was my victim.

Story to be continued....