· You should sit in a chair before you buy it. A chair that looks like a work of art, is likely to be as comfortable as reclining in a termite mound. While naked. And covered in syrup. Which some of you might find appealing, but we do not.
· An oversized couch bought for your oversized husband to relax in (read: sleep and snore loudly in) is not likely to fit through regular doors. Ripping out window panes so you can get furniture inside is not as much fun as it sounds.
· Buying a TV cabinet to accommodate a boxy TV is a stupid thing to do two months before large flat-screen TVs come out. Always consult psychics or ‘Stuff’ magazine before you shop, so you know the life-span of your technology.
· It’s hard to play ping pong on a pool table when you decide you messed up, and would have preferred a table tennis set-up to a snooker one. Hard, but not impossible. Especially when you get extra points for sinking the ping pong ball into the corner pocket.
And since we’re not millionaires, refurnishing means we have to go the IKEA route.
Now, for some people, saying “IKEA” is like that scene in The Lion King when the hyenas say “Mufasa” and shiver with fear. So for those people, I’ll say it again: “IKEA”. If you find yourself trembling, chances are: you’ve put together some IKEA furniture. Which, if you’re a man, means that you’ve spent a fair amount of time sleeping in the spare bedroom.
And the reason for that is that men don’t follow instructions. They believe they know better than those IKEA folks, and were born instinctively knowing how to assemble furniture. Ha!
It reminds me of that scene from Friends, when Ross discovers his wife is a lesbian and has to move out and find a new apartment:
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
To be continued....
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